Mama's Moving On

At least once a week, she dusted Grandma-in-law's antique soup tureen, never used, propped in a place of honor in the middle of the buffet. She was tired of cooking meat and potatoes every night, but he scoffed at her when she mentioned how fun it would be to have a cheese board, chocolate fondue-dipped fruit, and popcorn for Friday night dinner. She no longer recognized the two young people in the old black-and-white wedding photo. 

With the inauguration of 45 and 47, along with the COVID quarantine, middle-aged and senior women could "smell a shift in the air." The disapproval of the overbearing patriarch became more focused. A streak of independence hung in the air, giving women permission to follow their dreams. And their dreams weren't about going back to school or dusting off and wearing that feminine power suit again, but about packing their softest, most comfortable clothes and leaving behind that rarely used china, place settings, and serving pieces in the cupboard. Women are buying campers, vans, tiny homes, and spending their days pursuing hobbies, sightseeing, meeting up with fellow female nomads, and watching the sunset.

For the first time in their lives, women are leaving the complaining old man at home and traveling solo or with groups of other like-minded senior women. We're seeing more women-oriented travel groups who are making that possible. Perhaps the rise of the "She Sheds" gave women a yearning for more than a view of their backyard. Women, especially the women in their 60s, are giving themselves permission to change their lives. 

Perhaps their spouse died, or the spouse traded her in for a "younger model" (bad joke), or she became tired of it all and filed for divorce, leaving a man who was shocked because he wasn't expecting her to ever leave him. He wasn't expecting her to walk out the door - because he wasn't paying attention. 

And let's backtrack here a bit: if a woman wants to stay in her marriage, yet take off with a group of gal-pals to go camping once in a while, she should feel comfortable enough to do so. It's also okay just to dream about packing your life into a Volkswagen van when that sweet old man you adore keeps you awake with his snoring. However, if a woman doesn't want to stick around, she shouldn't be shamed with, "What's gotten into her head? She's crazy! She's lost her mind!" 

We're hearing from the ultra-conservative base, old and young, that women need to be in the homestead-like kitchen and having lots of babies now more than ever. Conservative and extreme-right politically based men and women are preaching that women need to be birthin' babies. 

A very abrasive young woman whose husband is a member of the current cabinet has her own podcast, giving her a platform to gnash her teeth and air her grievances about the falling U.S. teen birth rate, arguing that hormonal birth control hurts population growth and that women have a biological destiny to have babies. Her bestie, who has her own conservative audience now that she is a widow, has been screaming a mantra to her audience, "Have more babies than you can afford!" 

Conservatives are scared, especially the conservative tyrannical male. They are scared they are losing control over the female population, and with that loss, they become more heavy-handed than ever. There are men in government who are looking at ways to remove the 19th Amendment, denying women the right to vote. Their consolation prize is to have the "family vote," with one vote for the family. Listening to these skeevy blokes describe how the family vote works, assuming that smart women cannot see through this charade, is that women can give their vote to their man, and together they will decide how the "family" will vote. No, they won't. The man will ultimately decide. Then the current U.S. Vice President says that older women are being selfish if they aren't taking care of babies because "the whole purpose of the postmenopausal female is to help raise grandchildren." 

Senior women have choices (all women have choices), and the government and even the churches do not have a right to force or shame women into the role of the nanny, especially after they have raised their own children. Senior women have many choices, such as...

Move into a cute little cottage in the woods. Paint the front door purple. Grow a bunch of flowers and herbs, collect cats, and claim the title of Crone - a wise, revered elder who embodies deep inner knowing and truth gained from a lifetime of survival, joy, and sorrow - and with a touch of magic.

For Further Reading:
Why Older People Are No Longer Staying in Empty Shell Marriages (NY Times)
The Gray Camper Van Writer (Substack)